The ins and outs of Me

In response to:why?

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:15:54 +0200

Yeah, maybe you're right. I think I just feel that he only wants to see me when he has nothing better to do and other than that he won't get in contact. Then again, I suppose I haven't got in contact with him either. Maybe I am just feeling a bit defensive and am trying to stop myself getting hurt again. I'll have to see what happens when we have a chance to have a proper talk. x

In response to:why?

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:08:47 +0200

Seems a bit harsh - maybe he is just giving you time to get your work done?

In response to:why?

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 16:07:23 +0200

I think that really we don't seem to want the same things anymore. I don't really know how I feel about that. At the moment I've got a deadline for my dissertation, due in next week. So until I've completed that I don't want to contact him because I want to concentrate on that. After that I do plan to sit down and talk to him to find out exactly what he's playing at. Only I wonder, if he hasn't made contact himself by then, that he's made it pretty clear where I stand and maybe it's best to just cut him out of my life for once and for all. A lot easier said than done though! X

In response to:why?

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:45:13 +0200

If you have to play these destructive games with him you should ask yourself why? Sit him down and ask him what he wants, you owe it to yourself to demand some respect and if he wants what you do then fair enough but if not then I hope you respect yourself enough to deal with it x

In response to:Food

Fri, 15 May 2009 20:43:51 +0200

don't be daft - its my choice!

In response to:Food

Fri, 15 May 2009 20:31:20 +0200

Yeah I hope so. Good point, I normally love my food too much to miss it!

Feel a bit mean talking about food when you're following that intense diet! Well done for doing it though. xx

In response to:Food

Fri, 15 May 2009 16:38:50 +0200

Sounds sorted to me! Anyway you haven't been well and with all that sleeping you really didn't have either the time or the inclination to eat :)

In response to:'Dinner'?

Fri, 15 May 2009 13:25:16 +0200

Yeah. I was beating myself up about it at first - when I couldn't get to sleep the first night and couldn't work out where I stood but as you say put it down to a night of passion and I can't change it so what's the point in worrying about it now. Plus I had a good time too so I suppose that's the main thing and whatever happens things will sort themselves out.
The independence is great to have back feeling a lot happier already!
Thanks, it has got better since then - I think as long as I remember that I do still have to be careful at the moment it should be fine. xxx

In response to:'Dinner'?

Fri, 15 May 2009 08:32:19 +0200

Whose using who? You had a great evening and the inevitable happened - dont' beat yourself up about it. It was good and you like and fancy each other. I hope for your sake it goes somewhere but even if it doesn't just put it down to a night of passion that you wouldn't change anyway.
Glad you are getting back to independence - it will help with your self esteem again. Hope the pain gets better soon xxx

In response to:Just wondering...need a bit of advice please :)

Thu, 14 May 2009 22:42:12 +0200

Thank you so much. It really does help my head to write things down and I always always really appreciate your advice! X

In response to:Just wondering...need a bit of advice please :)

Tue, 12 May 2009 08:08:11 +0200

I think it's great that you are gonna concentrate on you, when you are back to full strength, then maybe you could meet on your terms and you could tell him how you have been feeling cos of his behaviour, but at the moment i think it would just set you back a good way.
Good luck with it all hun, whatever you decide to do, I will always be here to listen x

In response to:Just wondering...need a bit of advice please :)

Mon, 11 May 2009 23:18:29 +0200

Oops. I should have probably read this earlier this morning. I ended up emailing him. I told him that I felt like he was using me when it was convenient for him and that had been why I had started to feel used before and chucked him out in the first place. He did reply, twice. For some reason he said he is still interested in meeting up - 'but it's entirely up to me' apparently. Like you said, probably a bad move on my part because I probably do look slightly psychotic but I kinda feel happier. I'm not going to the do anyway anymore. I think it may just be too much at the moment and I just want to concentrate on getting me back to me.

I know, I know. I really don't want him to have this effect on me anymore. I'm able to move about for longer periods of time now am finally back home so hopefully slowly getting back into my usual things will stop me thinking about him and letting him upset me. Thanks I think deep down, as much as I hate to admit it right now, I know that you're right and he is mucking me about but I'm just hoping he wouldn't do that. I suppose sometimes you don't really know someone as well as you think you do. Thanks again X.

In response to:Just wondering...need a bit of advice please :)

Mon, 11 May 2009 09:21:08 +0200

NO, NO, NO. do not email him to ask him if he was planning to email you back - if he is he will and if you keep emailing and contacting him he will start thinking you are stalking him - men are like that. If he doesn't email you today I would email him tomorrow and tell him you won't be going to the do with him because you refuse to lay down and be walked all over like a doormat and you dont appreciate being ignored.
Then howl, or cry or scream - do whatever you must, but leave him where he belongs - in your past and move on. You can't make him contact you or even make him want the things you want but you can change the way you are about him, and change it you must - it sounds like he is messing you around to me hun - sorry to be blunt, but it really does, and you know you are worth 10 of him, why are you letting him have this effect on you?

In response to:'Cos I got time while she got freedom..'

Sun, 10 May 2009 12:17:04 +0200

Yeah, you are completely right. I think I was just having a bit fo a weird day and when I heard that song again it just got me thinking too much.
I'm sure there are logical reasons why he may not have replied but I shall see what happens the next few days and take it from there.
To be honest though he is making it easier and easier for me - The more I feel like he's playing games the more I feel like I can't be bothered to waste my time anymore. Maybe that's a good thing! X

In response to:'Cos I got time while she got freedom..'

Sun, 10 May 2009 09:59:55 +0200

Maybe he had turned the computer off so hasn't even seen the email yet? Or maybe he is playing games - you will know next week when he is back at work for sure. If he wants to get in touch hun he will, it's that simple, you are beating yourself up over him not replying, and are giving him control over your life. moVE on, and if he emails he emails and you can decide if you want to talk to him or not. Although quite honestly, he doesn't sound that great, he doesn't seem to be bothering as much as i would expect if i was in your position, but then that's just me. I woulda emailed and told him straight that i wasn't into games and wanted to know the specifics about this night out - what time, where etc and whether it was still on - you have a life to live, with or without him, but you shouldnt be spending it waiting for him - i know it's hard given your situation, but try and think how you would advise a friend in the same situation x

In response to:Another day

Wed, 06 May 2009 12:58:48 +0200

Yeah, I will get it looked at. I don't think it's really helping things at the moment.
I am, I just feel a bit overwhelmed with having this essay to complete and feel that time is running out for it - although really I could just do it in the resit period in a few months if I have to.
Part of me wants to forget him but another part of me wants to send him an email, though not really sure what to say so don't think I will be doing that any time soon.
Yeah, that's the last time I speak to that girl. It's a shame when you used to get on with someone but to be honest I don't even miss spending time with her and I can do without her. X

In response to:Another day

Wed, 06 May 2009 09:20:25 +0200

I think you need to have this sleep pattern looked at , it's not right to sleep all that time. Although the less you do the more tired you get. Try and do something productive each day, even something small like a short walk or go to a park and have a go on the swings - always good for blowing cobwebs away! Forget the bloke - let him come to you, if it is meant to be it will be and if not, well it's his loss, not yours.
As for this girl, you have done more than enough - if she rings again tell her to get lost, she isn't your friend, didnt even ask how you were - she should sling her hook x

In response to:Just a blip

Tue, 05 May 2009 12:49:07 +0200

Aww, that's really sad. I'm sorry that happened, I hope you managed to find happiness with someone else too.
Me and my ex broke up and when we got back together he didn't seem to want to commit again and I just couldn't help feeling like he was using me so I told him to leave.
He kept telling me how much he misses me and going on about how upset he's been and remembering all the good times together, how we get on so well and suggested meeting up but now there's been no contact for over a week and I just feel like he's mucking me about. And as you say about your ex, there's only so long I can wait - I don't want to spend my days just hoping he'll sort his thoughts out but I don't know whether to email him or not. X

In response to:Just a blip

Tue, 05 May 2009 12:40:44 +0200

Yeah, In my stronger moments I agree with your way of thinking, that my ex is always going to be influenced by his friend and do what this friend wants him to do and I don't want the input of a third party constantly attempting to control our relationship.
It's just my weaker moments when all my feelings for him flare up and I think of how well we go together and how good it was (even when we split) and I just get upset.
I think it's definitely a good idea to make sure I'm stronger before I see him. Maybe once I get my sleeping sorted I'll be on my way to doing that. X

In response to:Just a blip

Tue, 05 May 2009 08:40:49 +0200

Glad the dog is doing ok. Your sleeping needs to be addressed really, it could be a sign of depression or as you say habit, you need to try and break it if you can.
As for your ex's friend, I would email him and tell him why you don't like him, bringing it all up, and explaining that you are worried for your ex as he doesn't seem like much of a friend to him - he won't show your ex and if it ever comes up later on you can show your ex the email evidence. Or you must just try and put it behind you and move on.
To be honest, it is your ex that has the problem really, if he is so influenced by his mate then he probably always will be, and you won't be able to change that, so even if you got back together this problem would always be there. I think you should concentrate on getting yourself well, both mentally and physically and make sure you are strong before you see him, but that is just my opinion and i hope it goes well whatever you do x

In response to:Just a blip

Tue, 05 May 2009 04:33:38 +0200

Don't worry too much about your ex.I messed up a long time ago and I still think about her every day.By the time I knew my true feelings for her, she had tired of waiting and married someone else.To this day I regret the way that I treated her.All this happened fifty years ago.but I still think about her every day. Peter.

In response to:Dogs, football and that essay

Mon, 04 May 2009 18:41:48 +0200

Yeah, you're right. It definitely did me more good getting out than doing my essay would have. I have more opportunities to do my essay at the moment then to go out as well so I may as well grab them when I can!

She seems to be doing fine so as long as we don't allow her to do too much the next few days I think it should all go well. Thanks, you too. X

In response to:Dogs, football and that essay

Mon, 04 May 2009 18:36:42 +0200

Yeah, I finally managed to realise that I wasn't helping myself by just sitting around moping and now that I'm keeping busy and enjoying myself more I'm not as bothered about the lack of contact between us...(at the moment, so lets hope it stays that way).

It's weird, when I watch football on TV I find that sometimes I really enjoy it, whilst other times I just wonder of and find something other to do. I've always enjoyed watching it live - maybe it's to do with the atmosphere of actually being there though. X

In response to:Dogs, football and that essay

Mon, 04 May 2009 10:01:12 +0200

It is fab that your day was good, and it is great to get out into the fresh air and do something different for a change. I dont think guilt should come into being unproductive anyway - some days that is just the way it goes. Glad the dog is doing ok, hope all goes well at the vet on Wednesday
have a good day today. :)

In response to:Dogs, football and that essay

Mon, 04 May 2009 00:02:31 +0200

Well somebody's mind if off the infamous ex, and that's great, right?

Really happy you had a good day. I think football is just one of those things that women would never be able to genuinely enjoy for more than 3-4 times in their lives. Never did that to me, but hey, it's different when you go and see it with someone you love.

Nice days ahead and try not to stimulate your dog too much, she sounds a lot like my cat.

In response to:All the little things

Sun, 03 May 2009 23:33:06 +0200

Yeh, it does feel good with every little bit I complete and knowing I'm one step closer to the end.
Yeh, I think that she'll be just fine - she just needs to take it easy which she doesn't like doing!
I have been proved that recently. Maybe before all this happened I was in too much of a rush to really notice or fully appreciate the things other people do - even simple things like opening a door for you, at the moment I find it a bit hard so really appreciate it but maybe a few months ago I didn't so much. X

In response to:All the little things

Sun, 03 May 2009 08:54:13 +0200

well done for getting the plan done, you are off to a good start honestly.
Hope the wee dog is ok, it is dreadful what he went through, but he has you now and you love and care for him. Hope he gets well soon x
People are generally kind if they get the chance - but it is nice to be reminded of it x

In response to:productive day tomorrow instead?

Sat, 02 May 2009 11:56:35 +0200

hope you slept well and wake refreshed to start the day anew x

In response to:I want him here now

Fri, 01 May 2009 13:36:04 +0200

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In response to:Thinking Positively

Fri, 01 May 2009 12:56:03 +0200

Yeah, it's quite amazing how different I feel. I think that being bed bound for so long made me feel pretty useless and because I can't really do much I couldn't cope how I normally would. Instead of drowning in worry with the thought of everything I have to do I know that even if I can't achieve everything on my list straight away, it shouldn't be long until I'm up and walking and the majority of it can wait until then.

Thanks for your advice the last few days, it really has helped me think clearer. X